Day 19

17 July 2008
0815
Hostel room

I’m dying here. I made so many mistakes, mistakes which if I did back home wouldn’t have been so consequential because there’d be other options, and there’ll always be a place for me at home. Here, I’m trapped by my inabilities, and I can see how weak I am in hard times. And seeing how useless I am in helping myself, because at this point only I can help myself but I’m not because nobody else is helping me and it makes me feel so worthless that I don’t want to help myself, but that is stupid if nobody loves me then I have to love myself otherwise I will die, even my parents will die one day and if I am not married, who else will take care of me?

I want someone to care not because I asked them to but because they want to. I push people away because if they truly care they will come back. This proves how unworthy I am instead.

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