Day 12

10 July 2008
0540
Hostel room

I’m wondering what are my faults in this situation. Though I believe I have valid reasons to feel the way I do now, I think, or I like to think, that I can see how I contributed whether on my own doing or their own assumption to this:

1. I am considered unreasonable an petty for things they think are small issues (so they say to SL).
2. I am assumed to have read the e-mail EM sent to Von (a conflict between these two people that is awkward on my part because Von is my good good good friend, as you’ll see as my story unfolds), which explains my behaviour to them and also maybe a good reason for them to isolate me.
3. They do not seem to think I should say I’m tired or hungry when they’re not, because if I’m following them then I have to do as they do.

Or am I honestly being so difficult that I just don’t see it? SL would’ve told me, surely? I may not know her that well before this trip, but I have always known her to be direct and honest in times where I wouldn’t have been. And so what if I know them longer than SL? They have proven me so wrong; friends of 3 years can easily dissolve into frenemies in 2 weeks. And I don’t think SL is planting stories in my head deliberately. Besides, she does not have any motive to do me so; we have not known each other well enough to offend each other.

This whole thing transpired without ever uttering a single word of it between us. It was all entirely relayed by SL, because we never confronted each other. They would rather choose to keep quiet and talk among themselves about what they think I’m wrong about than to talk face-to-face with me. Looking at the status quo, I have no right to voice out my disagreements since not even doing it has seen me being isolated already.

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